New England Weather
Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens)
Historical Context
This speech was delivered at the New England Society's annual dinner in New York City on December 23, 1876. The event celebrated Forefathers' Day, commemorating the landing of the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock. Mark Twain was among several distinguished speakers that evening, including Hon. George William Curtis, Rev. Edward Everett Hale, and Rev. Dr. John Cotton Smith.
The Speech
[To avoid issues, only a portion of the speech is shown here. You can read or listen to the full speech in the external sources provided below.]
[Intro] I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerk's factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make weather for countries that require a good article, and will take their custom elsewhere if they don't get it.
There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather that compels the stranger's admiration - and regret. The weather is always doing something there; always attending strictly to business; always getting up new designs and trying them on the people to see how they will go. But it gets through more business in spring than in any other season. In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.
[...Portion omitted for brevity...]
Old Probabilities has a mighty reputation for accurate prophecy, and thoroughly well deserves it. You take up the papers and observe how crisply and confidently he checks off what today's weather is going to be on the Pacific, down South, in the Middle States, in the Wisconsin region; see him sail along in the joy and pride of his power till he gets to New England, and then - see his tail drop. He doesn't know what the weather is going to be like in New England.
[...Portion omitted for brevity...]
And the thunder. When the thunder commences to merely tune up, and scrape, and saw, and key up the instruments for the performance, strangers say, "Why, what awful thunder you have here!" But when the baton is raised and the real concert begins, you'll find that stranger down in the cellar, with his head in the ash barrel.
[Conclusion]
Month after month I lay up my hate and grudge against the New England weather; but when the ice storm comes at last, I say: "There, I forgive you, now; the books are square between us; you don't owe me a cent; go, and sin no more; your little faults and foibles count for nothing; you are the most enchanting weather in the world!"
Read the Full Speech
Source Information
This speech was originally reported in:
The New York Times, December 23, 1876
FOREFATHERS' DAY. NEW-ENGLANDERS AT DINNER.
Key Quotes
"I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerk's factory..."
Opening line that set the humorous tone of the speech
"In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours."
Twain's comedic hyperbole about New England's unpredictable spring weather
"Old Probabilities has a mighty reputation for accurate prophecy, and thoroughly well deserves it... see him sail along in the joy and pride of his power till he gets to New England, and then - see his tail drop."
Mocking weather forecasters' inability to predict New England weather
"Yes, one of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it. There is only one thing certain about it, you are certain there is going to be plenty of weather."
Capturing the essence of New England's unpredictable climate
"Month after month I lay up my hate and grudge against the New England weather; but when the ice storm comes at last, I say: 'There, I forgive you, now; the books are square between us...'"
Conclusion revealing Twain's grudging admiration for New England's weather
Analysis & Significance
This speech exemplifies Mark Twain's humor, hyperbole, and deadpan delivery. Throughout the address, he personifies the weather, giving it agency and intentionality."
The speech follows a classic structure of comic buildup, starting with mild complaints about the weather's unpredictability, escalating to increasingly absurd scenarios, and culminating in a poetic and earnest appreciation of the beauty of New England's ice storms.
This speech is important not only as an example of Twain's public speaking style but also as a reflection of how regional identities were celebrated. Twain's ability to poke fun at New England's weather while also praising its unique beauty demonstrates his keen observational skills and his ability to connect with audiences through humor.
Enduring Legacy
Mark Twain's "New England Weather" speech is most loved humorous addresses, frequently anthologized and studied for its use of exaggeration and wit.
The speech created a template for comedic monologues about regional weather patterns that continues to this day. Twain's talent for blending witty observation with playful absurdity is admirable. His personification of weather as having personality is a great rhetorical device that has been emulated for generations.
His ability to transform everyday observations into memorable and universally appealing comedy is a testament to his skill as a humorist.
The quote "There is only one thing certain about it, you are certain there is going to be plenty of weather" is an especially sticky phrase that shows in other speeches and sometimes on weather channels.
About the Speaker
Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist, publisher, and lecturer. Twain was famous for his wit and satire He was lauded as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," and William Faulkner called him "the father of American literature." .
"The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" was published 6 months before this speech, and Twain was already gaining recognition as a prominent American literary figure.
View all speeches by Mark Twain